Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
