What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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