Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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