If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
