We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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