Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We smell like vodka and hangover
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