I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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