I must be too annoying 4 u.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
