I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
