I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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