I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
