Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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