Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
