waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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