it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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