hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
