Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Randomize
