call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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