I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
