There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
