It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
