I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
