So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
