I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
be right there i have to get my cape
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
