Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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