I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
