oh god the rape fog is back!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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