is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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