Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
