just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Drunk is not a location!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
