I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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