Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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