dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
