were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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