You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
