she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
