I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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