I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
