fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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