This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
