Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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