The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
