Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
