just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
