Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
