Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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