Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
