Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
