I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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