is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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