Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My hand turned me down
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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