Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
