I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
