I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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