I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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