He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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