i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
