why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I touched a dick in church today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
