I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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