I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
