Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
