I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
