you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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