i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
