don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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