i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
