I will die if light touches me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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