dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
