He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
