She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
